If I ruled the world:10 rules I would enforce.

Let’s face it. This world isn’t perfect, and we all think we can do a better job running it if we could. Luckily, most of us will never have this chance. 


"Then again, a small country will suffice."

But for the sake of argument, let’s pretend I’m perfect and all the technology necessary to monitor and enforce these rules already exists and is in use. Let us begin. 


1. Stupid People will serve the rest of the population. 
It is a sad fact that some people, are simply never going to make something out of there lives. Yet, they are still given “equal” opportunities while some other child in a third world country with the misfortune of being born into said third world country is not. In my perfect world, it will be possible to find out at birth the potential of a person. I’m thinking measured by IQ and ignorant stereotypes. 

"This is the boy that will discover a self sustaining energy source."

If they don’t make the cut, then it’s a life in the coal mines or flipping burgers. Isn’t that where most of them end up anyways? Were giving the opportunities to those who would actually take advantage of them.

2. There is a limit to how many stupid things you can say per day. 

"No Sarah Palin, North Korea actually hates us."
Saying stupid things can really ruin someone’s day. Even the smartest, wittiest, most intelligent people can stick their foot in their mouth at the most inconvenient time. This is of course natural and unavoidable. However, there are some people, who do not know when to shut up. In my perfect world, once someone hits a certain limit of stupid saying, the killbots will be sent after him for the next 12 hours. If that doesn’t teach them to watch what they say, they’ll be labeled as stupid and sent to the coal mines along with the others of his kind. 

3. Celebrity worship will not be tolerated.
There was a time, where entertainers where not only admired for their looks, but also for their talent. In the last decade or so, the entertainment industry has taken a turn for the worst. I blame the media. These ungodly levels of obsession has given rise to such abominations like Katie Perry, Lady Gaga, vomit encrusted-glitter spewing whore Ke$ha, that poor confused young girl Justine Bieber and most recently…

"Please, that one right over there."

Not to mention all the other youtube stars over the years. None of that. Under my reign we’ll go back to admiring talent and sexy dancing. Instead of stupidity and “creativity” Just like the good old 90’s.

4. Douche Bags and Tools will be considered as part of an inferior race and segregated.
Now, this is not based on a personal biased of any sort… but come on? Can anyone stand these guys?

"We prefer to hang out with other versions of ourselves anyways"

"That’s why we spend our college years living in a house filled with guys just like us constantly making homo-erotic jokes."

5. Puppy girl will be forever shunned and ignored. Except on “Throw Whale Guts at Puppy Girl Day”
Only a hand full of my friends will get this one. Trust me when I tell you, Puppy Girl is evil. She deserves this. 

6. Flying and airport related activities will be limited to a bare only if necessary minimum. 
I just talked about this on my previous post. Flying is a pain. Why do we fly anyways? To save time? It’s funny, the more we have tried to save time as a society, the less free time we have. 

7. People will be required to participate in intellectual and cultural activities.
I honestly feel that the world would be a lot better if more people actually read, watched documentaries, and kept mentally stimulating hobbies. Im pretty sure that its proven that people that do so have more fulfilling and happier lives. I’d quote my sources but this isn’t an english paper. Our conversations would be more in depth, people wouldn’t make as many stupid decisions, and everyone should be overall more understanding. And, our entertainment material will skyrocket in quality.

Our society hasn’t gotten dumber, just shallow and lazy. Which leads to monsters already discussed in rule #3. For example our movies are lacking in acting and argument, preferring to rehash Disney plots about native american princesses and cast boobs as their own characters.

"Can any of the guys honestly tell me what scene this was from?"

And Inception, I believe is proof that we all secretly want something a little more stimulating. I mean, with a little thought, it wasn’t hard to understand at all. But everyone and their grandmothers were suddenly questioning reality and what Nolan meant to portray. It’s an action sci-fi movie, not a greek tragedy. And the scene at the end, with the spinning top? I think it was meant for the audience to pick their own ending. There was no meta-physical meaning behind it. Optimistic? It was real. Fellow pessimists, I’m actually going to have to side with the optimists on this one.  

Hollywood doesn’t feel the need to make good things because crap sells better. Same thing with books. I mean, remember Twilight? Yea, neither do I. 

8. The amount of time you can spend on the Internet will limited.  
I’ll admit it, I have spent my fair share of sleepless nights on the net. But I do not condone it. And I can’t stand people who take the internet seriously. I mean Cyber-bullying is a thing now? How pathetic do you have to be to actually be hurt by cyber-bulling?


It’s not like a fist comes through the screen and actually hurting someone. And its not like the bullies corner you and block your exits like they do on the playground. It’s completely, 100% avoidable. Blocking, turning it off, ignoring it, privacy settings. Seriously, cyber bullying is just a scapegoat for that pathetic excuse for a son you have failed to raise properly.

Not to mention that Internet overload has created a breed of socially retarded creatures. Its true. The internet has given us the power to control exactly what we want to be exposed to. We have, naturally, tried to make our lives less annoying, but in doing so, we have limited our perspective and missed out on some crucial social practice. Going to the bank to much of a hassle? Go online. Grocery shopping got you down? They deliver online orders. Don’t feel like repeating your order to the bon qui qui on the phone at Domino’s. Dominos.com. We have the power to filter out every annoyance in our live. Some people have taken this power and abused it to the point where they’re nothing but doddering idiots on reclinable chairs who wear obscure band shirts. 

9. Morning people will be kept away from normal people until 10 am. 
I might step on few toes here, but I cannot deal with morning people. I imagine that there are a lot of other people that feel the same way. A lot of people I know are morning people, and if I have the misfortune of being up early, I cannot stand them. It’s beyond me where these people get this sort of energy. They probably draw it from baby kittens and children. 

You know what my favorite thing to do in the mornings is? It’s sleeping. 

"She has the right idea"

10. You must look decent to be seen in public. 
There are 3 kinds of people that will break this rule. 

These are people who think they can pull off their “unique” sense of style, or that think that skankalicious clothing looks good on them, or just spend a lot of time in tanning booths and wear ridiculous amounts of make-up. The result is always the same though. Hideous. Some tools and douchebags may also be punished under this rule too. 

"These tend to look like the bastard child of an oompa-loompa and a duck. Those little rascals…" 
These will be punished the worse. Like, kept in cages and fed water and cat food. 

Those that simply do not care.
These are people that don’t really care about how they look either because they think looks are not important, or have really low self esteem. I will be far more lenient to the ones with low self esteem. I mean, take some pride in yourself. Looks are important, and some people will decide how they feel about you based on them. Their punishment will be community service. 

Those innocent people who honestly do not have a clue.
They will not be punished, but sent to some sort of class that teaches them how to dress and look better. Kind of like that “What not to wear” show.  

Overall, I think I would make a good Supreme Overlord. 
"That’s right. Kneel."